guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize