does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
