I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
