out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
