Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i came on her dog
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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