I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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