Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
