I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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