Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
