Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
