We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
