Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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