xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
