just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
