Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
