Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
