Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
