you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
