at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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