I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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