If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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