girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
