Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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