i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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