I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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