Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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