he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize