I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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