I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
