like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
