She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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