Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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