so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
