standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
