Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
