I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
