We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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