I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
50% drunk capacity currently
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
