this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
