so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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