Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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