I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
