There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
