Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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