i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
