I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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