all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize