I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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