Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
