So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
