Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just google imaged poop.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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