if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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