i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
