if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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