You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
