Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
