i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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