Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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