I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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