dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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