I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
