Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
