The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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