maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
