Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
