well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize