No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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