Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
