Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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