a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
