I accidentally burped into my bong.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
