We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
