Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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