Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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