If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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