drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
