I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
